His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
