Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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