she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
