pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
