we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
