i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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