Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bring me that man meat
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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