This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
