Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
