She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
