I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
