her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
