someone threw a dead crab at me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
