Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
