Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
