im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
