Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
