he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
