Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.