I puked a lego.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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