Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
