Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
