we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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