So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
