Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
