we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby