i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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