If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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