Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
