I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
