Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
