another moral hangover. fuck.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
