babies were throwing up all over the place
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
