Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
