The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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