i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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