Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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