I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize