Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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