She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
porn star boner night. come get it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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