My first STD was from a foam party
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
