Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
