just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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