a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
