Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
