I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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