I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
