New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
