The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
