I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
