i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
