Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
