Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
