I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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