where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
