Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
