Don't you send me to vm
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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