I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
