I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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