I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
