He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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