their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
