I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
