wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
