Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
