I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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