he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
