dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
