He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
