I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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