i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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