the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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