Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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