I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
