Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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