Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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